MY STYLE FIX: SNAKE PRINT PANTS

Happy Hump day! In the past few days I've been obsessing about the issue that I mentioned in the previous post. It's to the point where I've done everything but insert an anal suppository to rid myself of mother nature's little pre-show gift, and frankly that option is not off the table.      

I mean, I must've washed my face with every over the counter cream and cleanser known to man...twice...with waters reaching temperatures only an alligator and a desperate narcissist could withstand, to no avail, as the mark of the beast is still front and center. 

I really can't understand why it isn't working, because I followed the instructions to a T, and nothing. At least there may be an upside to an anal suppository, even if that shit doesn't work, if you know what I mean. But I digress.  

Either those companies are lie telling with promises of Angelina Jolie's flawless skin, or I've contracted a rare strain of some exotic face infection, that's clearly resistant to benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid, since I still look like Two-face.

If I could only have people stand to the left of me 'till this situation (and it is a situation) clears up, all would be right with the world, but since such a request would earn me a stay in the psych ward, I figure I would do more sane things, like distract them with my printed pants, which I paired with a tee, blazer, and sandals. It's a start, but it would be much better if the pants covered my face instead of my hoo-hoo.   

Enjoy your day! And if you have any good remedies please drop me a line. I'm desperate over here. Thanks for stopping by<3

MY STYLE FIX: SUMMER MAXI DRESS

Happy Monday! I had a very low-key weekend if you don't count the arrival of the humongous planet that has taken up precious real estate on my already imperfect face. If I had a decent size paper bag that could've fit comfortably over my noggin without the whole suffocating to death thing, I would've gladly worn it without any reservations. 

Resorting to such measures isn't even extreme, considering the circumference of the growth, which I'm certain would've frightened small children, or anyone with vision.  

If I didn't know better, I would've ran straight to my dermatologist, so he could've biopsied the little invader, because clearly at that size there's no freaking way it was just your normal run of the mill blemish.

 But, the timing, coupled with my insatiable need for chocolate, and overwhelming desire to scratch my BF's eyes out, or stab him to death, completely clued me in on why I could now legitimately be mistaken for the Elephant Man.  

And to make matters worse, I wore this maxi dress, and choose to still take photos for my blog as if I don't have a stigmata on my cheek. Thank goodness for photoshop!

Enjoy your day! Thanks for stopping by<3

MY STYLE FIX: WHITE DENIM SHORTS

TGIF! I can hardly believe that June is here already. My inner hooch couldn't be happier, because this is the time of year when you can dress like a skank, and get away with it. During the Summer months you'll get no judgy stares when your ass cheeks protrude from your shorts, because you guessed it, it's hot and ventilation is key.   

No one will fault you for strutting around ever so confidently with the outline of your vagine on display for the world to see. Nope, they won't, because people get that it's the only time of the year when camel toe is welcomed, dare I say normal. 

  

Who am I to go against the grain, and keep my lady parts under raps. In fact, recently I choose to pair white denim shorts with a button down shirt, and flats. What better way to draw attention to the lady parts than with white hot denim shorts. 

I would've went tighter had I not had that pesky fear of cultivating my very own fungi. Something about spending my Summer scratching just doesn't do it for me.

I'll go short, but definitely not too tight. Either way, it's warm now, and trust that I will exercise my God given right to bare all.

Have an amazing weekend! That's an order! Thanks for stopping by<3