Hey You! I bet you're thinking I'm embracing my girly girl side by donning this puffy floral number, but truth be told this is the best thing I could find to hide my shame. Under this skirt lies a six day old food baby. It was conceived during a drunken playoff game. Yes, I was drinking, and one thing led to another and the next thing you know I had not one, not two, but three hot dogs, AND a Goddamn cheeseburger. It all happened so quickly, and now four days later all I have left to show for my indiscretions is a small bump where my once somewhat flat stomach used to be.
And since I haven't visited the porcelain throne lately (you know what I'm getting at), with every bite I take the little bastard is getting bigger by the day. I'm so mortified, because on a good day sans said food baby or God forbid a bloated period baby, I'm doing all kinds of contortions to squeeze into my jeans. Now, forget it until I birth this monstrosity, denim is not an option, at least not the skinny kind, which I'm partial to.
It's quite sad.I wish I could say that it was a random one night stand, but I'm nothing more than a food whore. Honestly, I didn't even need the drinks, I would've totally inhaled it on my own. Luckily, I'm an old pro. When you've had as many food babies as I've had, you learn very quickly how to hide that shit, and go unnoticed. Let me tell you, flowy maxi dresses are your friends. A trapeze blouse, forget it, wear that and you'll never get a seat on the train when with child. No one will know.
The puffy skirt, "what baby, I'm a virgin"! And for that reason I choose to wear my puffy skirt with a denim shirt, denim vest, and pumps. Best of all this little baby is high waisted. For all they know under here I'm a swimsuit model, and who am I to take that from them. That would just be cruel. If they think I'm a swimsuit model, I'm a swimsuit model, dang it!
It's brilliant! So, if you ever get caught up and carried away by the moment. Don't worry! You don't have to go hide away in some far away camp for harlots. Just whip out your biggest,fullest, puffiest skirt, and hold your head up high. Nobody has to know that you engage in food porn. Your secret will be totally safe under there.
Enjoy your day! Thanks for stopping by<3
P.S- Only a few more days left to enter the Michael Kors Giveaway. Really! A few days! Btw, make sure that you look over the rules to ensure that your entry is valid, and fingers cross you may just win:)The winner will be announced on the 5/20/12.