Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus! Summer is unofficially here in every way that matters. It's hot again and I'm kinda freaking out because that bikini bod that I should've been working on all Spring is not even close to being a reality thanks to the greedy carb loving, ice-cream enthusiast, veggie hating tapeworm that's taken up permanent residence in my gut.
To make matters worst, they had the audacity to open the beaches ridiculously early on account of it being Memorial Day Weekend. Something about it being hot, and it would be a nice place to stay cool. I mean, I get the whole tryna prevent old people and children from dropping dead from an heat stroke angle, but what's more important, saving lives or preserving my delicate self-esteem.
My vote's for the latter, since I'm not ready yet! I need a bit more time to go hardcore at the gym, wire my pie hole shut, or at minimum have that pesky tapeworm surgically removed. I already tried to put that little bastard on a master cleanse, and after a few days he went ape shit, as he just wanted to have a burger...with cheese...french fries...and a milkshake. I can't control him. He's too powerful.
And, with all that I have to deal with, fighting a losing battle against this beast within, they decided to go and open the beach to the public, all while pushing deep fried everything to anyone who step foot on the boardwalk. It's quite absurd, since I don't know anyone who looks even remotely sexy after downing a corndog with chilly cheese fries. It's just not possible.
Needless to say, I shied away from that little exercise in will power, and stayed away from the coast this weekend. Instead, I wore a maxi dress dress, paired with a belt, flat sandals, and headed to the spa. At least there they're not tryna shove you in a bikini and clog up your last good artery.
They at least have the decency to get you naked and touch you up a little bit, which somehow distracts from the fact that your untoned, flabby, bulging body parts are visible to a complete stranger, who is absolutely wondering, how could anybody ever reveal such perkless tits to a stranger. But at least here you're getting some action, and if you're lucky the ending will be a happy one.
Enjoy your day! Thanks for stopping by<3